A person with healthy boundaries takes responsibility for his or her own life and allows others to live theirs. The goal of boundaries is to make sacrifices for people when appropriate, but never in a destructive manner. We should be available for people in a crisis, but unavailable to indulgent demands. Being gracious is not a blank check for others to continually drain our emotional bank account. Saying “yes” out of fear of rejection is really a selfish motive for being kind. Being kind in order to gain someone’s favor smacks of hypocrisy and shows a need for boundaries. Fear of man’s disapproval can lead to codependency, the unhealthy alternative to inter-dependency.
Boundaries teach us to accept one another as being different yet still valuable. God uses boundaries to help us appreciate the differences in people rather than be upset by them. We are free to be ourselves with others if we control ourselves. Boundaries are not selfish when we use our freedom to serve and love one another because we are keeping our own flesh under control. In godly relationships, both people are free to love each other and to be themselves because neither is using or manipulating the other.
Tips And Strategies To Set Boundaries After Divorce
Strengthen your relationship with Jesus. Read faith based books, join a support group at your church, spend quality quiet time while reading your Bible and praying, watch various pastors on TV or online, find a mentor, and develop faith filled friendships. In Psalms 146:5-6 NIV we learn, “Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever.”
Setting Boundaries Isn't Easy, But Needed
Healthy boundaries honor everyone involved. I encourage you to take the high road and follow Godly principles with your former spouse in setting boundaries with them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard men and women just trash their former spouse by telling dishonoring stories about them. I have been guilty of that myself in the past. What I realized is what that said was more about me, rather than my former spouse. After all, we made the decision to be in a relationship with our former spouses at one point. It begs the question of what went wrong. Did you not date long enough? Were there red flags that we ignored? Obviously there weren’t honoring boundaries involved because it takes two people to make a relationship work or not work. It’s that simple.
These tips and strategies will definitely move you in the right direction towards healing, but it doesn’t mean this process is easy. Most cases setting boundaries means breaking deep rooted habits and beliefs.
You know what makes that easier? Having the right support system around you to lift you up and keep you going through this process.
That is exactly why people just like yourself in the same position as you join my newsletter. To put themselves into a community of people that are choosing not to see themselves as victims and to move forward in a Godly way.
As a bonus you will also receive a free copy of my book Destine After Divorce. I go even deeper into the Godly principles of boundaries and so much more throughout the book.
Just click the link below to claim your free copy and to join a newsletter focused on your healing and growth. See you in there!
Yours in healing,